Crossroads

A friend spoke to me about facing crossroads bravely. Whichever road you decide to take there is no right or wrong unless you design your destiny to fit its pattern accordingly to suit your needs and wants.

Many face this obstacle trying to make a decision when met at a crossroad. Some take shortcuts to achieve their dreams and future goals; others take the long route and let wisdom guide you. However some accomplish either route they take where as some trying in doing so fail. I certainly don’t know what lies ahead for me as they all say it sure is god’s plan for me which ever route I may take. Whatever that path maybe my only prayer now is it will lead me to serenity where I once can be brought to peace of mind.

Past several months of struggle to climb the ladder of life leaves me at times falling, still I know I must eventually pick myself up because there is no one else who would come to you in aid when you need them the most. Especially the ones you expect. Instead with the help of those who are around you I will rise again so high that neither you nor anyone can bring me down ever again.

A day comes to us all where you look back and praise god for each trial that he has put you through as you soon begin to see the victories ahead of you. I know that day will come for me too.

So here I stand at a crossroad deciding which path to choose, to carry out life and bring it to the next level. With god’s grace and sufficiency I pray that I will walk in the right valleys’, desserts, highways, and mountains, even cross the oceans so I can find solitude and blessings that will endure upon me to re-start my life all over again.

Strange how life suddenly allows you to start over. Pick up the broken pieces and fix it to a place that fix to its exact location. I certainly don’t know where or what will be my next place, in fact I don’t even know where life will take me next. But what I do know is I must overcome and face this crossroad bravely and choose the path to success as I believe that, “It is the Weak that Falls, yet the Strong shall Rise”

Now which Route do I take to begin this long journey ahead?????

I also know that it is not one crossroad that we will have to face in life but much more. For me this is just the Beginning.............

The Deepest Cut

Today I come across this book “ODJ” and here I turn to the page that represents my birth date. And the chapter is as follows.

In 2003 Sheryl Crow covered the old Cat Stevens song “ The first cut is the deepest” In this song she bemoans her first love, who wounded her so deeply that she now struggles to feel anything. She wants to love again but because her heart is broken she doesn’t know if she ever can.

The songwriter’s first love has moved on inflicting the first cut the anguish of a once intimate relationship now ripped apart. It’s difficult to say which is more painful, an outright split or the dutiful drudgery of existence found in a loveless relationship. 

Now with us all humans there comes a time when you least expect it "LOVE HAPPENS". After several years of many wounds I meet a complete stranger so randomly at a random moment in my life. He turns me inside, upside down and shows me the depth of love that one cannot seem to understand. Stealing my heart and soul I give him my all.

I have heard and learnt that with God, he calls a man and a woman to join together in a permanent, fulfilling union that is filled with Love and spiritual significance for a lifetime. I found that gift. It lasted for 9 months.

Our inherent yearning for a lifelong soul mate is rooted in the way we were once created. Through this creation two becomes one.  Sadly many fail to understand the true value of life long fulfillment, commitment, and many other vital factors that one needs to consider when entering holy matrimony. Due to mistakes from individuals, failures and falling, marital relationship becomes a lifelong hurt, a wound that is so deep even than the first cut. 

Author Tim Gustafson writes that even with deep cuts in a relationship that has gone bad, you can still find healing. Perhaps, his trying to send us a message of "HOPE".

I’m beginning to fear that if Hope is out there for me? I’m trembling with thoughts that shouldn’t come in to my mind, yet it keeps coming constantly as you give me no hope for my existence alone. Memories are beginning to fade; new moments are finding me confused. Someone special told me, Chatz : ''Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!'' Is this true? Could this be the honest truth? If it is just a bend, then when will my route amend? Guess the Truth is somewhere out there...

Breathe

Like a fresh breath of air you come into my life so sudden so soon…
Who are you to make me smile and tell me everything is going to be ok? Seize that
moment seize that thought, let time freeze the pain and bring me back to life. I
know I got a long, long way to go, but tell me how do I fill the
emptiness inside? All this pain does it go away? You walk in and
suddenly I find myself dazing and gazing about a feeling that I can’t
get my hands around. Could it be possible to feel again? A week and
already so much emotions, confusion, frustration. Cannot keep it all
in anymore.. Am I to let it out? who do I tell that this sensation is
incredible leaving me stunned, speechless. Am I a prisoner in your love?,
caught up in a world where I don’t seem to have any more access..
This spark each time I see you, keeps haunting me, knowing that the touch
to your soul is so far from near. My body is craving for your touch,
your warmth, your taste, your love. It’s never been this difficult to
be sensual and want you. I wonder if I will ever see you again. Now
and forever will you be my man? Could you kiss me on my salty lips and I bet you
would feel crazy about me…would it be my fault if I could turn you on?
Could I jump on you, turn you upside down and don’t wanna waste more time…
Grab that moment and steal a piece of time, make a memory and seal it
in a box. Could I hold on to that?

There are many pieces that is yet to be fixed to its exact place, this
mystery of life has left me with a puzzle in my thoughts. Can you
please help me unravel it? This can’t come as any surprise to you
because you know you want me too… don’t you? My bed is getting colder,
colder than ice, where is that fire that melted my heart and soul?
Without you one night alone I can’t handle it no more, do you have a heart of
stone? Many dreams untold instead let’s unfold them together again?
What’s lost can be found through space, through time.

Sitting in a black hole waiting for your hand in help and there you
are smiling back at me, you brought another dimension another light into my life. Have
you awakened my soul again? When one dream is shattered another is
meant to open. Are you my new dream? I have nothing to offer you but
my one last breath. So breathe on me you have one last chance. Take it or Leave it!.

Dawn of a New Year!

Like the wind that passes you by, another year has gone. Gone so fast that past memories are just thrown down. Like a storm that washes you away, blown by it and caught by it, with many mixed emotions and feelings. I stood there and watch it all crash down. In a second it all disappeared.  All I’m left with is the smell of your perfume all around me even when you’re gone. I see you here with me. Holding me, comforting me and grasping life the way it is. I try to reach out to you then I find you not near me, like the sweeper sweep dust, you are gone, swept off from me.

Many days that were to be treasured just turned to days of pain and agony. Hurt keeps taking over and there’s no room to breathe anymore. In the background at work I hear a song that once was whispered to my ear by you, you said truly madly deeply you will love me. That you want to stand on a mountain, bathe in the sea, and lay with me forever until the sky falls down. Did such words have meaning? Power to overcome any situation that arises? Or was it just words said for that moment alone? Trying to believe moments that never lasted forever, here I’ am entering a new year a new month a new life.

Don’t want to carry past mistakes anymore, just want to go forward, yet you keep pulling me back to a mess that I can’t help anymore. Guess forgiveness has far away to go. What can I do to change it to the better? I get help in every way I can, I try to make a change, but If I don’t have you is this fight all worth the while?

This New Year we all need to start new, start fresh, start over, forget and forgive all past mistakes made in life. Remember us humans are programmed to fall and rise at the same time. Tell yourself when doubting you can overcome problems.  Believe in yourself and the world will believe in you, let your resolutions set your goals higher in life. Reach out to the stars they will guide you. There is a higher power above. Believe in that. It certainly took me somewhere in life. It picked me up when I was fallen, it gave me hope. It will do the same for you.

Actions that caused us distance were mistakes. Having a resolution of live and learn is what I hope for. May this New Year bring all our dreams and wishes to come true. May it bring us closer once more. I hope it will be a year to believe in love again, to believe in people again, to forgive and receive forgiveness.  A year to be remembered for laughter and joy, not pain and sorrow.  A year to be remembered for the new person you ought to be not the old broken person you were. Now let the tide of tears come wash away my pain and let hope of a new dawn draw me to happiness once again. So Goodbye 2010 and Hello 2011.

A Thank You For, Friendship

In the journey of life, when all things find its way to go wrong, and your left isolated in a cold world you somehow begin to realize , there are still people who believes in you. Who has faith in you that you will stand up again and live life. Those people who are with you till the end in spite of what wrong you may have done or what good you have done, that people are your true companion your friend. A friend in need is great indeed.  Luckily I’m blessed with great friends who until now have supported me to believe in all great things again. At times of doubt, fear, no hope they, yes friends are always there to help you get through it all. They forgive you and not judge you yet love you for that one person you truly are.

My Shmana, You have been an endless supporting strength to me, not just the bad times even the good, you’ve been through it all. You always believed in me when others failed to. You gave me the courage to stand strong when the world put me down. When love failed me you still love me. Your kind heart that’s so pure draws me closer and closer to you each day.

My Anna, My energy, my comfort, your love and amazing friendship is yet un-believable. From the very first day we met you have always helped me in multiple ways. Your craziness gives me thrills to be around you. At the same time your sensitive heart so beautiful makes me love you each day for who you truly are. I miss you so much and I know our friendship is just growing stronger each day no matter where we are in the world.

My Nadini, You are my oldest friend and the first friend who has always taken my back when things aren’t right. You have your secret way of showing affection but deep down you have a heart of gold. Your patience with me is tremendous. I thank you for believing in me each time I have fallen. I love how you always teach me from wrong to right.  Your way of help is something I always admire. There’s not a shadow of doubt that we will be friends forever.

My Anushka, My Gold, your such a rare friend because you know when to have fun , when to be serious and when to reach out to someone. You have reached out to me in various ways. You always manage to put me in my place. You’re a great friend to have and I will treasure you always.

My Sanshia, My survivor, your strength I always will look upto. You are an example to the world on how know matter what life brings you down you always seem to get back up. Your pain and love I feel it all. You’re always around with a smile. Your life alone is an inspiration to me. I will always be there for you as I know how you will always be there for me.

My Yasara, we have been friends for a very long time. During this time I discover a new you all the time. That new you is full of love, compassion and honesty. Each time we meet, you always encourage me on how to be better at things. Your encouragement has made me stronger. Your honest words of life is incredible.  Thanks for being a part of my life.

My Shamin, You’re the most amazing person I have ever met. Your talents I admire in you each day and seeing you grow into this wonderful person makes me proud of you. I have been with you when your high and when your low. Each time I only see kind eyes looking back at me with so much of love in that heart. Your ways of expressing that love is indescribable. I’m ever so glad you’re in my life and I thank you with all my heart for being there for me know matter what.

My Farah, in spite of all struggle we both have had in our lives, we have always connected in such a special way that until now and always i will have you as a great friend. You are an amazing woman filled with amazing values and beliefs.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me endlessly for who I truly am.

Yes, I am truly blessed with great friends. I have many more that I keep very close in my heart and to all those friends I want you to know I have loved you and always will love you. Thanks for showing me the way to life. Life wouldn’t be the same if you were all not a part of this great journey.

The Burning Flame That Hopes

Once there was a flame that burnt so high that it almost burnt the heavens down. Even angels couldn’t escape such fire and wrath upon their shoulder. When this has happened the heavens out casted all fallen angels into a firing pit, a pit that burns in fire “Hell”. Angels and Demons they all fight amongst us. Deep inside us human’s catastrophe takes place. Somehow we realize we could be that angel or demon, hence they all live in us.

Have you known that even angels fall sometime? I may not be any angel but I have fallen. Fallen so deep that the flame, is burning inside me. Burning me so bright that darkness has begun to consume all over me. Once darkness takes hold of you it ain’t too easy to escape the taste of hell. You need not rest in peace for your soul to overtake upon this yet it automatically devours within you to take you to a place where you are lost forever. Loneliness, fear, doubt anxiety they all rush within you and you cant seem to find the answers you seek. Once all these react within you, you begin to fight it but with wrestles hopeless efforts of trial you seek ones communication, a communication that brings you peace, serenity that can restore your senses, that gives you love, refreshes you and energizes you. You wait upon this one communication from the one person you always count on, with helpless efforts it never comes to you, now your feeble life has ended. Then you begin to rely on the one thing we all rely upon.

HOPE.

Hope is out there, the distance between us has only left me with Hope. Hope for a better tomorrow, Hope for Forgiveness, Hope for another chance. I Hope you will always be on my mind, tell me now, will the stars guide me back into your arms again where I can once again find solemn and peace. It is very easy to Love you, but letting go is the hardest thing to do. “Sorry” has been said a thousand times, does the sound of my tears saying im sorry fall on your ears. Theres so much I can do or say… im only human and im just  a woman, I make mistakes that’s my human way. The demon inside me took over me, my anger my frustration, my irritation I took out on you. I never meant this to destroy us, destroy you. Forgive me and correct me not love me and leave me. Stand by me till the end, till the earth falls apart and the heavens cry out loud. Wasn’t that the Promise we made? 

Today I have nothing left to believe in, nothing left to hold on to, but my own words my own thoughts and the only Hope I' am left is, the love you promised, Always & Forever.

“HOLD ON”

I use to think that life is fine

But now I see it was all a lie

You touched my heart and went away

And now I’m back alone in dismay

I wonder how it slipped away

Promises were broken on that day

And now the love you gave has gone away

I’m left with nothing but only hope today

Chorus

So Hold On, I say… “Everything is going to be okay”

So Hold On, I say… “I wait for you everyday”

So just hold on I say…..

I use to think you were made for me

But now I know you weren’t that one

Because you gave up on our love

And walked out and never turned back

I’m so lost, so confused, what do I do

I’m sorry for all the wrong I’ve done

I never meant to hurt you or break you

So please forgive and forget I beg of you

You took my life and threw it back, straight back at me yeah…..

I love you and I need you, please come stay…..

Suddenly all songs turns to a melody that has no rhythm anymore. Like a silent prayer that cannot be heard but inside your praying for that one thing you want.You pray that the angel inside you saves you from hell. You seek for forgiveness. Here is my song to you my loved one. I hope and pray that Hope may bring us closer to each other again. Let the blessings fall upon us and let’s give it one shot. Let the mighty savior hear my cries and restore my love through HOPE once again.

Life as it comes......

"Life" has anyone ever stopped to wonder what this term could actually be and how it may imply on a persons actual life. Well This is my story about "Me and My LIFE".


Life for some is great, however for some it could be very unfortunate. Well in my case lets just say i'm stuck in a bit of both. Mostly more towards the unlucky side I would say. Here is where my story begins.
 

Life somehow through time takes you to places where one cant understand. its beyond comprehension. its a matter of fact where you need to figure out which step to take next. Do you take the path that leads you to success or the other to failure?...

Many advice to follow the one route we all want to go through, the path of righteousness where our mind, body and soul can then find eternal peace, solitude and grasp in moments of happiness. Moments of oneness with your self. What is Happiness you may ask? I find happiness being around family , does that happiness complete your Life? does this happiness complete me and my life? is that the only source of happiness? or could there be more paths and ways to find happiness?  Some require happiness in forms that sometimes you find it difficult to find however, Happiness defers to each individual, yet to me My true happiness is found through "Love". I strongly believe if Love is surrounding us Happiness finds its way to you.

 
Today I seem to have lost my way through it all. I once found myself entangled with greatness, fame and Love, but it all just somehow seem to slip away... far away from me. Life has turned out to be a true nightmare where reality hits you so hard that you wake up and you find it impossible to face another day. Yes I Chatz is at that state today.