Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Deepest Cut

Today I come across this book “ODJ” and here I turn to the page that represents my birth date. And the chapter is as follows.

In 2003 Sheryl Crow covered the old Cat Stevens song “ The first cut is the deepest” In this song she bemoans her first love, who wounded her so deeply that she now struggles to feel anything. She wants to love again but because her heart is broken she doesn’t know if she ever can.

The songwriter’s first love has moved on inflicting the first cut the anguish of a once intimate relationship now ripped apart. It’s difficult to say which is more painful, an outright split or the dutiful drudgery of existence found in a loveless relationship. 

Now with us all humans there comes a time when you least expect it "LOVE HAPPENS". After several years of many wounds I meet a complete stranger so randomly at a random moment in my life. He turns me inside, upside down and shows me the depth of love that one cannot seem to understand. Stealing my heart and soul I give him my all.

I have heard and learnt that with God, he calls a man and a woman to join together in a permanent, fulfilling union that is filled with Love and spiritual significance for a lifetime. I found that gift. It lasted for 9 months.

Our inherent yearning for a lifelong soul mate is rooted in the way we were once created. Through this creation two becomes one.  Sadly many fail to understand the true value of life long fulfillment, commitment, and many other vital factors that one needs to consider when entering holy matrimony. Due to mistakes from individuals, failures and falling, marital relationship becomes a lifelong hurt, a wound that is so deep even than the first cut. 

Author Tim Gustafson writes that even with deep cuts in a relationship that has gone bad, you can still find healing. Perhaps, his trying to send us a message of "HOPE".
I’m beginning to fear that if Hope is out there for me? I’m trembling with thoughts that shouldn’t come in to my mind, yet it keeps coming constantly as you give me no hope for my existence alone. Memories are beginning to fade; new moments are finding me confused. Someone special told me, Chatz : ''Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!'' Is this true? Could this be the honest truth? If it is just a bend, then when will my route amend? Guess the Truth is somewhere out there...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Like a fresh breath of air you come into my life so sudden so soon…
Who are you to make me smile and tell me everything is going to be ok? Seize that
moment seize that thought, let time freeze the pain and bring me back to life. I
know I got a long, long way to go, but tell me how do I fill the
emptiness inside? All this pain does it go away? You walk in and
suddenly I find myself dazing and gazing about a feeling that I can’t
get my hands around. Could it be possible to feel again? A week and
already so much emotions, confusion, frustration. Cannot keep it all
in anymore.. Am I to let it out? who do I tell that this sensation is
incredible leaving me stunned, speechless. Am I a prisoner in your love?,
caught up in a world where I don’t seem to have any more access..
This spark each time I see you, keeps haunting me, knowing that the touch
to your soul is so far from near. My body is craving for your touch,
your warmth, your taste, your love. It’s never been this difficult to
be sensual and want you. I wonder if I will ever see you again. Now
and forever will you be my man? Could you kiss me on my salty lips and I bet you
would feel crazy about me…would it be my fault if I could turn you on?
Could I jump on you, turn you upside down and don’t wanna waste more time…
Grab that moment and steal a piece of time, make a memory and seal it
in a box. Could I hold on to that?

There are many pieces that is yet to be fixed to its exact place, this
mystery of life has left me with a puzzle in my thoughts. Can you
please help me unravel it? This can’t come as any surprise to you
because you know you want me too… don’t you? My bed is getting colder,
colder than ice, where is that fire that melted my heart and soul?
Without you one night alone I can’t handle it no more, do you have a heart of
stone? Many dreams untold instead let’s unfold them together again?
What’s lost can be found through space, through time.

Sitting in a black hole waiting for your hand in help and there you
are smiling back at me, you brought another dimension another light into my life. Have
you awakened my soul again? When one dream is shattered another is
meant to open. Are you my new dream? I have nothing to offer you but
my one last breath. So breathe on me you have one last chance. Take it or Leave it!.