Leave a Light On...

Its been a long Road...so long, I still walk...

Seasons keep changing and the air begins to smell so different. The old Summer smell I once breathed deep into me now seems so far away from me. This intense feeling of being trapped to a certain situation keeps dragging me back to a nightmare where I seem to cant wake myself up from. Summer is moving on and so are the pages in my book of life. Some chapters closed some re-opens. It is written and it writes with time it renews it heals. Never have I really said too much, was afraid it wasn't enough, maybe I was late, maybe not, no matter what now i'm trying to keep my spirit up when I know there's no point in grieving over the past.

Hoping to see the light that once shown, I still walk the road. Somehow in someway I cant seem to find the end of it... that end light is something I rely on to get back on the right track to get back home. As cold as I' am, I freeze all thoughts and empty space fills up with new dreams. Searching for that fire that once kept me warm I wait for the dreams to turn to reality.

I feel in the midst of pain I feel. How can one fear to open their spirit and welcome another. So broken pieces can be amended but those scars where do they go? I put a smile on my face with courage and with great fear, I surrender to your arms. Then what? I escape? I  run?  I scream? and without me even knowing it I push you so far away. I expect so much knowing when in life how expectations become great and how great expectations lead you to destruction and ruins your own story. Knowing such  things why is it that I keep ruining my story? is a happy ending too much to ask for? My story is a blur. A big black blur and in the midst of this struggle I'm trying to find more ink to write an exciting chapter. Will you be my Ink? I want to feel what you feel for me but I cant change who you are or what you feel. I am me and this is me...Will you take me as I' am? Sometimes all this feels like a mixed up wire that crosses your brain and your tangled in a situation where your choices chose your destiny. What are my choices?

I want to figure things out. ......I do... I really do... Maybe you will start my heart again....maybe you wont, or maybe you will be a new chapter in my life? Or maybe old chapters will re- open. I await to re-write my story but for now I'm lost.

So I walk.... Try to leave a Light On when I',m Gone...

The Sun Is Shining For Me and You!

Here are a few words that inspired me to arise from Loss to Victory over the past few months. Courage was something I strongly held on to when all seemed to have been heading the wrong direction. Discovering it certainly had its time factor. Someway through time I' am once able to re-design my life through Courage and Hope for a better tomorrow. I now stand in a place that cannot be moved my none, but Myself. Achieving my dreams to this extent is far greater than what I had ever imagined and there is no intention at stopping, But always reach for the impossible. I only hope that these words will inspire person's who has lost all belief in life, as I once was lost but now found. A few words written by one man can certainly have an impact in your life. Therefore not just read but grasp the depths of these words and truly be inspired. It changed My Life. Hope it changes Yours. "Difficulties arise in the lives of us all. What is the most important is dealing with hard times, coping with changes and getting through the other side where the Sun is still shinning just for you. It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices, But you are a strong person.  It takes courage, but you posses the inner courage to see you through.... It takes being an active participant in your life, but you are in the drivers seat and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go in . Hang in there and Take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is Constant, Beautiful and True. Everything will be fine and it will turn out that way, because of the special kind of person you are. So keep reminding yourself how special you are......Beginning today and lasting a lifetime through, Hang in there and don't be afraid to feel like the morning Sun is shining just FOR YOU...." - Douglas Pagals As I Did.... Begin to Believe in Yourself, When the World Fails to....

Story Behind Obsessive Love......

After all the stressful rushing around and putting together my First original single "Obsessive Love" I finally have gotten some free time in my hands to write:) So Today I write The story behind my song.

Obsessive Love is something that could happen to anyone knowingly or unknowingly in a relationship. During an intense deep Skype conversation between me and my good friend Anna, I was inspired by her  to take on this title for the song. Annaki made time to make me realise that I too once had an obsessive love for a person very close to my heart. In time I studied that  "Love" us humans experaince when in a relationship is a wheel that spins in our life. This wheel if however spins in the wrong direction, this is what you are left with. I have broken it down to four stages as highlighted in my song.

First Stage - First Verse:
This is the stage that makes our hearts wobble and gives us butterfly feelings in our tummies. The stage that you see a person and immediately you are mesmerized and taken away and you know in a second that you and the other person are meant to be. So with sudden feelings you wonder if this is the begining of something new?

Second Stage - Second Verse
The confused stage, without you knowing it your ruining your relationship with jealousy. Jealousy comes to all of us when in love with someone in a deep manner. It is rather not healthy but feelings of doubt sure does take over. So you are now in  a relationship and growing together in-spite of your differences however one suddenly wonders if its me that person needs or is there someone else out there? These insecurities are hard to be controlled in a world that is full of available options. Yet one must understand that true love has no options and the only option is you and your partner.

Third Stage - Bridge
Disaster stage has begun. With great wonder you begin to realize is this where it ends for us? Yes suddenly destruction find its way to destroy your relationship. It could be for any reasons like mistakes and regrets one has made. Through anger you fight the rush of rage. Frustration, anxiety, depression all this begins and makes you weak as a person. You want to escape but you somehow don't know how.

Stage Four - Chorus
The stage that gives you hope to live. With Complete complicated emotions you begin to think that the bad times have come, sure it has but nothing lasts forever because the good times are just ahead of you. The Chorus highlights feelings that how one realizes the stress of wanting to be with the one you love. It is hard to let go yet its a matter of fact of how much time you allow yourself to do. Time is a great healer so they say and now I say. Someway somehow you begin to fight your way back through it all with courage and hope for a better future, perhaps another Love.


I hope that all of you in some way might find its way to relate to this song. If You don't your a unique Star that shines in someones life:) but to many of us we have experienced the Obsessive Love Wheel. It is up to you to cherrish what you have in the relationship. Save the good throw the bad and spin the wheel in the correct direction. Less heartache the better:)

Remember life is full of choices. The right ones will Perish while the wrong ones will Destroy you. Seek and choose your next relationship Wisely.

MOHOMBI

Bump Bump and Boom Boom, its gonna be a Bumpy Ride......

You pulled me under, you pulled me over,

made my body surrender tonight,

who can love me? who can hold me? 

You will never find someone like MOHOMBI.... :) 

A warm heart and a very down to earth  person is he. Half Swedish and Congolese no wonder he is so Good looking:) Having come from a family as big as 14 kids I had the pleasure to meet not only Mohombi but his brother JOE who encouraged Mohombi to get into the spotlight.  

Hanging out together and having cocktails with the entire team it sure was an honor:) And it doesn't end there, Tonight is the BIG Night. MOHOMBI LIVE IN CONCERT ft IYAZ be there at CH n FC grounds 7pm onwards, for a night to remember:)

Under the Coconut Trees we stand

I will never forget this summer here in Colombo..... AYUBOWAN !

OBSESSED LOVE!

Obsessive Love

As I see you walking towards me
A rush of feelings sweep through within
Do I think your infatuated with me
Is this, a beginning for you and me

Obsessive love  you and me...... Yeah
Strong feelings I fight deep within
All a long, controlled, in denial I see
The sorrow of wanting to be with you

Need to know if its me that you need
Jealousy comes inside screaming, crushing
And I see you staring straight at me
Is this where it ends for you and me

Obsessive love you and me....... Yeah
Strong feelings I fight deep within
All a long, controlled, in denial I see
The agony of yearning to be with you

Destruction has found its way,
to destroy whats left of us.....
Obsessed love brought me down, Seething rage has just begun
Through it all I fight my way back
From this obsessive love wheel.


Obsessive love you and me....... Yeah
Strong feelings I fight deep within
All a long, controlled, in denial I see
The misery of wanting to be with you

Obsessive love you and me....... Yeah
Strong feelings I fight deep within
All a long, controlled, in denial I see
The distress of wanting to be with you................

Music Video Out! Enjoy xxx

MY BEAUTIFUL SOUL!

A Soul is Eternal! It has One beginning and No End. How you nurture your soul is completely in ones hands. For many of us we forget to nurture and enrich our souls to higher standards. We forget to feed our souls with good deeds. Acts of Love, Kindness, Forgiveness are a few deeds among many other that one could preserve somewhere deep within to enhance the beauty of your soul.

I have met and still continue meeting humans who have Two kinds of Souls. Some carry Goodness and Greatness in them where as sadly many have darkened souls that are hidden in the depths of destruction.

Annaki, You however certainly know how to hold a Beautiful yet a Pure Soul. A soul that is filled with goodness beyond imagination. You are one in a million that perseveres such purity. If one knew you they would instantly be mesmerized by your golden heart that is filled with much Love which is the key as to why your soul is so Beautiful to me.

Your existence in my life is greatly thanked to the high  one above each day, and off course I take this opportunity to tell you how precious you are to me. Words cant express my appreciation of your love to me. Day to day knowing i'm loved by you endlessly, I have reasons to be strong because of humans like you. I thank you today for being my strength during hard times.

You have once again without a shadow of doubt proved to me how wonderful life is to have you and your Beautiful Soul!

CHRISTINA och MATILDA

Safely returned home, back in sunny exotic Sri Lanka. Thinking about the great time I have had in London, I just cant get enough of it as my heart screams to go back there. Feeling unwell after an operation that I have had due to excess toxic of pure alcohol ...  hmmmm now whose to be blamed for such intake? my partners in crime off course.. Yes Christina and Matilda I greatly miss you two deeply.

Trying, but very painfully I sit in bed right now thinking how much you made my trip alive with all the love, laughter and off course during my hurtful times you two were both there for me and in fact you still continue to give me all your love. You both showed me that the distance between any ocean nor any mountain or any barrier could not break or tear our friendship a part.

Thank you for being two amazing human souls who have been there for me during this difficult time. I Miss You deeply and cant wait to spend more moments together soon. Till then my Swedish beauties, Skype Dates and various other technology will keep us all close to each other at all times.

All My Love and Thoughts........

I MISS YOU!.................