Thursday, August 23, 2012

Leave a Light On...

Its been a long long, I still walk...

Seasons keep changing and the air begins to smell so different. The old Summer smell I once breathed deep into me now seems so far away from me. This intense feeling of being trapped to a certain situation keeps dragging me back to a nightmare where I seem to cant wake myself up from. Summer is moving on and so are the pages in my book of life. Some chapters closed some re-opens. It is written and it writes with time it renews it heals. Never have I really said too much, was afraid it wasn't enough, maybe I was late, maybe not, no matter what now i'm trying to keep my spirit up when I know there's no point in grieving over the past.

Hoping to see the light that once shown, I still walk the road. Somehow in someway I cant seem to find the end of it... that end light is something I rely on to get back on the right track to get back home. As cold as I' am, I freeze all thoughts and empty space fills up with new dreams. Searching for that fire that once kept me warm I wait for the dreams to turn to reality.

I feel in the midst of pain I feel. How can one fear to open their spirit and welcome another. So broken pieces can be amended but those scars where do they go? I put a smile on my face with courage and with great fear, I surrender to your arms. Then what? I escape? I  run?  I scream? and without me even knowing it I push you so far away. I expect so much knowing when in life how expectations become great and how great expectations lead you to destruction and ruins your own story. Knowing such  things why is it that I keep ruining my story? is a happy ending too much to ask for? My story is a blur. A big black blur and in the midst of this struggle I'm trying to find more ink to write an exciting chapter. Will you be my Ink? I want to feel what you feel for me but I cant change who you are or what you feel. I am me and this is me...Will you take me as I' am? Sometimes all this feels like a mixed up wire that crosses your brain and your tangled in a situation where your choices chose your destiny. What are my choices?

I want to figure things out. ......I do... I really do... Maybe you will start my heart again....maybe you wont, or maybe you will be a new chapter in my life? Or maybe old chapters will re- open. I await to re-write my story but for now I'm lost.

So I walk.... Try to leave a Light On when I',m Gone...

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