Already Gone

I want you to know that it doesn't matter... Someone's gotta go.....I'm already Gone....

'Take Me As I Am'

A story can be told or written in many ways. Its is the reader who decides how to relate. This story continues with great mystery. The rest is yet un-written....

Painted a different picture to the unknown and the known suffers the tainted loss of love. Whispers spreading around with words that speaks out so loud. Scream, Yell, Rebel, Battle, Yet left with no glory, She hopes. Shattered Dreams and promises broken on a day, the unknown keeps
taking them away. Funny as it may sound, we are bound to lose to bruise. She now wonders through time, through space, seeking care, warmth and a little bit of Hope to Love Again...

Grown in an environment to find how beautiful life is, she wonders and walks the earth in search of serenity. Trembling at the thoughts of what is out there she soon understands the line beneath it all. In a matter of time her heart so chaste is destroyed. Walking into the path of a doomed relationship full of deception, her love is now betrayed, degraded, dismayed, damaged, antagonized in ways so brutal that a young flower that once bloomed now slowly withers away. Not recognized she begins to hide in a place till she finds a safe haven. After Being the victim of innocence in the midst of trying to pave her way back to life to reach a path of goodness her journey ends with cruelty that has entangled her in situations without the known being aware. In the outside world the prudent beasts that prey upon her for a piece of her youth only to satisfy their heartless apetite for destruction continues seeking young maidens as her. These savages concentrate on nothing but there selfish ways and means, yet her purity, her golden heart she carries, her great believes for all humanity to carry good in their soul has only been proven wrong. With great shock to her dismay her fright turns to reality when she discovers how untrue and vicious the once that existed in her heart can be. They wear masks hiding their true identity living in a world that has no moral, ethical value above all no respect. She now wonders where are the virtuous hiding?

With much questions, confusion, frustration she slowly walks towards the unknown hoping for a second chance of a not so betrayed love. One is to understand that it is useless to justify the truth to the prevaricator when theres nothing sincere left in him. She is hurt, wounded and she tries hard to hide the scars, the pain, the tears of rain. Her journey now leads her to carry malice and hatred towards the unkind who has no mercy but is only open to tragedy. Now knowingly she is bound to cross another path, perhaps a new one less miserable and more empathy. Time permits her to face the one she refuses to look back at. Once faced eye to eye she lingers and craves for that touch, the words, the feelings once they shared so deep so profound that no memory can wipe away the beautiful encounters they shared. With much fear her heart suddenly holds on to that bit of love she received only to soon realize that love was an act of war. A war now she fights bravely and courageously hoping to have a better end. With no hero beside her she claims her award of honor. In Thought she slowly awaits for retribution to the ones who are soon to face the judgement day. The penalty of a reckless heart that caused her great grief and discomfort. If that day were to come perhaps the final verdict shall hold a key to release the imprudent character of the unknown and equally share the one true thing that can save them all 'Forgiveness'. Considering the options of renewing their old Love to something more fundamental even sufficient she thinks....

Significantly with nothing more to offer, barely holding on, slowly but surely knowing that the unknown is slipping away, refusing to embrace the nightmare she faced, to our horror her confused mind leaves her crying pleading with her final request to the unknown 'Take me as I am or Watch me as I Go'....

My Special Kind of Love

Inspite of it all I don't regret that I met you... It feels like your the cold that I can't shake nor break. With you I felt something and now I bear all the pain like I'm wearing your blanket even when it's not that cold. You use to be the warm loving one, I use to be the cold hearted fool, Now I'm nothing but the cool breeze in someone else's hair. I don't want to forget you, I don't want to move on just yet. Are you the salt in my wound? Is your heart the one that I can't break? You still are the song in my head....But most of all, You are My Special Kind of Love...

Inspite of it all I'll cherish all those moments, I'll keep them close in my heart, my soul until it all drives me crazy. Now you are the scar that I can't hide, You are the bond that I cant break, Free myself from this hurt yet I hide beside you waiting for a day to be seen again. I can crawl back to you, But how far must I go before you take me in? I keep running down this road, Seems like there's no end to this load. Are you the hole in my shoe? Can't bear this shame this feeling of not knowing where I stand with you anymore. Can you be the joy in my heart? The song in my head? The sun in my hair? The breeze I can breath?.....But most of all can you be My Special Kind of Love...

Inspite of it all can you be the one to paint my world with color? This black and white thin dark line of life makes me feel too lost out there. You found me when I was buried with nothing to hold on to, Nothing to look forward to. You told me that the world was nothing but a big canvas that we can paint together. Instead of being that artist true to your art you drew a different picture. One that I did not have in mind. Are you the broken brush that smudged my paint? You are the blank paper I once had, The ink I never found, The pen that was too sharp. You could be the light in my life or the tears in my rain, You can be the man of my dreams....But most of all, Can you be My Special Kind of Love...

Inspite of it all the dreams I dream't you were my new dream. Your lies burnt that dream and now your the truth that I can't take. Still you can be the truth in my life, If you chose to set yourself free from your own lies. I will be the sun in your eyes, I could be the one you will never forget, I can be the one to heal you, Mostly because I don't want to move on just yet. I can be your lullaby when the world is failing, falling on you, I can bear all your pain, I can be the one beside you, Then we can be the stars in the sky, We can be the love that never dies, We can drive each other crazy, We can be the bond that never breaks,....But most of all, we can be that Special Kind of Love.....

I Can't Make You Love Me...

If there is Perfection in Music and Lyrics... Then this is My Song...


Turn down the lights, Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, And tell me no lies
Just hold me closely, Don't patronize
Don't patronize me....

Cause I can't make you Love me if you don't...
You can't make your heart feel something that you won't...
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I will feel the power....
But you won't, No you won't
Cause I cant make you Love me when you don't,
When you don't.....

I'll close my eyes, Then I won't see
The Love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and i'll do what's right
Just give me till then, To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight...

No you Won't.... I Can't Make You Love Me....

Leave a Light On...

Its been a long Road...so long, I still walk...

Seasons keep changing and the air begins to smell so different. The old Summer smell I once breathed deep into me now seems so far away from me. This intense feeling of being trapped to a certain situation keeps dragging me back to a nightmare where I seem to cant wake myself up from. Summer is moving on and so are the pages in my book of life. Some chapters closed some re-opens. It is written and it writes with time it renews it heals. Never have I really said too much, was afraid it wasn't enough, maybe I was late, maybe not, no matter what now i'm trying to keep my spirit up when I know there's no point in grieving over the past.

Hoping to see the light that once shown, I still walk the road. Somehow in someway I cant seem to find the end of it... that end light is something I rely on to get back on the right track to get back home. As cold as I' am, I freeze all thoughts and empty space fills up with new dreams. Searching for that fire that once kept me warm I wait for the dreams to turn to reality.

I feel in the midst of pain I feel. How can one fear to open their spirit and welcome another. So broken pieces can be amended but those scars where do they go? I put a smile on my face with courage and with great fear, I surrender to your arms. Then what? I escape? I  run?  I scream? and without me even knowing it I push you so far away. I expect so much knowing when in life how expectations become great and how great expectations lead you to destruction and ruins your own story. Knowing such  things why is it that I keep ruining my story? is a happy ending too much to ask for? My story is a blur. A big black blur and in the midst of this struggle I'm trying to find more ink to write an exciting chapter. Will you be my Ink? I want to feel what you feel for me but I cant change who you are or what you feel. I am me and this is me...Will you take me as I' am? Sometimes all this feels like a mixed up wire that crosses your brain and your tangled in a situation where your choices chose your destiny. What are my choices?

I want to figure things out. ......I do... I really do... Maybe you will start my heart again....maybe you wont, or maybe you will be a new chapter in my life? Or maybe old chapters will re- open. I await to re-write my story but for now I'm lost.

So I walk.... Try to leave a Light On when I',m Gone...

The Sun Is Shining For Me and You!

Here are a few words that inspired me to arise from Loss to Victory over the past few months. Courage was something I strongly held on to when all seemed to have been heading the wrong direction. Discovering it certainly had its time factor. Someway through time I' am once able to re-design my life through Courage and Hope for a better tomorrow. I now stand in a place that cannot be moved my none, but Myself. Achieving my dreams to this extent is far greater than what I had ever imagined and there is no intention at stopping, But always reach for the impossible. I only hope that these words will inspire person's who has lost all belief in life, as I once was lost but now found. A few words written by one man can certainly have an impact in your life. Therefore not just read but grasp the depths of these words and truly be inspired. It changed My Life. Hope it changes Yours. "Difficulties arise in the lives of us all. What is the most important is dealing with hard times, coping with changes and getting through the other side where the Sun is still shinning just for you. It takes a strong person to deal with tough times and difficult choices, But you are a strong person.  It takes courage, but you posses the inner courage to see you through.... It takes being an active participant in your life, but you are in the drivers seat and you can determine the direction you want tomorrow to go in . Hang in there and Take care to see that you don't lose sight of the one thing that is Constant, Beautiful and True. Everything will be fine and it will turn out that way, because of the special kind of person you are. So keep reminding yourself how special you are......Beginning today and lasting a lifetime through, Hang in there and don't be afraid to feel like the morning Sun is shining just FOR YOU...." - Douglas Pagals As I Did.... Begin to Believe in Yourself, When the World Fails to....

Story Behind Obsessive Love......

After all the stressful rushing around and putting together my First original single "Obsessive Love" I finally have gotten some free time in my hands to write:) So Today I write The story behind my song.

Obsessive Love is something that could happen to anyone knowingly or unknowingly in a relationship. During an intense deep Skype conversation between me and my good friend Anna, I was inspired by her  to take on this title for the song. Annaki made time to make me realise that I too once had an obsessive love for a person very close to my heart. In time I studied that  "Love" us humans experaince when in a relationship is a wheel that spins in our life. This wheel if however spins in the wrong direction, this is what you are left with. I have broken it down to four stages as highlighted in my song.

First Stage - First Verse:
This is the stage that makes our hearts wobble and gives us butterfly feelings in our tummies. The stage that you see a person and immediately you are mesmerized and taken away and you know in a second that you and the other person are meant to be. So with sudden feelings you wonder if this is the begining of something new?

Second Stage - Second Verse
The confused stage, without you knowing it your ruining your relationship with jealousy. Jealousy comes to all of us when in love with someone in a deep manner. It is rather not healthy but feelings of doubt sure does take over. So you are now in  a relationship and growing together in-spite of your differences however one suddenly wonders if its me that person needs or is there someone else out there? These insecurities are hard to be controlled in a world that is full of available options. Yet one must understand that true love has no options and the only option is you and your partner.

Third Stage - Bridge
Disaster stage has begun. With great wonder you begin to realize is this where it ends for us? Yes suddenly destruction find its way to destroy your relationship. It could be for any reasons like mistakes and regrets one has made. Through anger you fight the rush of rage. Frustration, anxiety, depression all this begins and makes you weak as a person. You want to escape but you somehow don't know how.

Stage Four - Chorus
The stage that gives you hope to live. With Complete complicated emotions you begin to think that the bad times have come, sure it has but nothing lasts forever because the good times are just ahead of you. The Chorus highlights feelings that how one realizes the stress of wanting to be with the one you love. It is hard to let go yet its a matter of fact of how much time you allow yourself to do. Time is a great healer so they say and now I say. Someway somehow you begin to fight your way back through it all with courage and hope for a better future, perhaps another Love.


I hope that all of you in some way might find its way to relate to this song. If You don't your a unique Star that shines in someones life:) but to many of us we have experienced the Obsessive Love Wheel. It is up to you to cherrish what you have in the relationship. Save the good throw the bad and spin the wheel in the correct direction. Less heartache the better:)

Remember life is full of choices. The right ones will Perish while the wrong ones will Destroy you. Seek and choose your next relationship Wisely.